Things You probably didn't know...

I'm on a roll today.

Just A Few Things You Probably Didn't Know
You spend about 3 years of your life in the toilet.
Every day, the average person swallows about a
quart of snot.
The slowest growing finger nail is on the thumb nail and the fastest growing is the finger nail on the middle finger.
Scientists say that babies that are breastfed are more likely to be slimmer as adults than those that are not breastfed.
There are more chickens in the world than people.
Pinocchio was made of pine.
One out of 20 people have an extra rib.
Manicuring the nails has been done by people for more than 4,000 years.
People whose mouth has a narrow roof are more likely to snore. This is because they have less oxygen going through their nose.

Via Dave's Daily

A New Feature...

Today I would like to add a new feature to my oft-ignored blog.

It's a joke that made me laugh.

This made me laugh yesterday, and it was hard to make me laugh yesterday; therefore, it's funny joke.

Here goes:

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under
a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and
I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

This joke via www.bobandtom.com
Submitted by Ken G.
Thursday, February 23, 2006

cartoon via http://www.drdudd.co.uk/homelife/HomeMain.htm

Jack Bauer...Why We Need Him to Run The Country

You know, if Jack Bauer were indeed a real person, I believe that the right-minded thinkers of this nation would elect him to a very powerful position in our government. We need Jack to teach our leaders how to deal with terrorists, whiners, liberals, child abusers, sexual abusers, animal abusers, and other people who, for whatever reason, annoy us.

Neal Boortz, in his Boortz Blast newsletter, shared the following facts about Jack Bauer. These facts suggest, no, confirm, this nation's need for leaders who will just get the job done.

Basic Truths About 24's Jack Bauer
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Enough said.

If you would like to subscribe to the wit and wizdom of Mr. Boortz, go to his website here.

It'll make you a better American.

Also, make sure to check out Blogs4Bauer, a great place for any and every Jack Bauer fan.

Now go out and have a good day.

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