They Put the "Fun" in Dysfunctional!

FOUNTAIN, Colo. (AP) -- Fountain police say a teen solicited two men to kill his mother so he could sell her car and use her bank account to get breast implants for his girlfriend.

Authorities say the mother, Hyun Weis, was attacked with a small wooden baseball bat at her home Thursday but escaped.

She was hospitalized and then released Friday. The nature of her injuries hasn't been disclosed.

Deputy Police Chief Mike Barnett said 18-year-old Nikita Lee Weis was arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to commit first-degree murder.

Authorities say Nikita Weis also wanted money to pay his rent.

Also arrested on the same charge were his girlfriend, 21-year-old Sophia Nicole Alsept, and the two men he allegedly hired, 18-year-old Juan Antonio Velez Gonzalez and 19-year-old Brandon Michael Soroka.

All are being held on $50,000 bail. Officials didn't know whether they had attorneys and said they couldn't get messages to them.

Barnett says the suspects discussed wrapping Hyun Weis' body in plastic and dumping in the desert in New Mexico or Arizona.

Nikita Weis is due in court Monday.

I Wish...

I Wish I Had The Guts To Put This On My Car....

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(if you can't read it, it says "I'm a Republican because Everyone can't be on Welfare")

Oh, What a Day I'm Having!

From the Consumerist:

Man Sues Doctors for Amputating Penis

What part of "circumcision" was unclear? That's basically what a Kentucky man and his wife are asking of two doctors who cut off the man's penis while he was under the knife. The doctors say they discovered cancer and made an emergency decision. The man says, dude, wtf, you cut off my penis. It doesn't grow back, and it was kind of important to me.

The lawsuit states that Patterson received consent to perform a circumcision and only a circumcision, and that Seaton did not consent to his penis being removed.

Kevin George, the plaintiff's attorney, said [Dr.] Patterson amputated the organ after finding cancer, but he only had consent to remove the foreskin.

"Sometimes you have an emergency and you have to do this, but he could very easily closed him up and said, 'Here are your options. You have cancer,' and the family would have said, 'We want a second opinion. This is a big deal,'" George said.

We've just made a new note to self: if we ever have surgery, we intend to grab the doctor by the collar and say vigorously to him, "No matter what happens, don't you cut off my penis." Who knew you had to worry about that sort of thing.