"Every government interference in the economy consists of giving an unearned benefit, extorted by force, to some men at the expense of others." Ayn Rand

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Hard Decisions

When my dad picked me up at the airport last Tuesday, we had a good hour to talk on the way home. We talked about lots of things, the upcoming surgery, the past "house flood", the new carpets, new toilets, new ceiling in the garage.

Also Augie. He asked me to just look, and to tell them what I thought about how Augie was doing. I guess to have an "outsiders" look at him. I think that our hearts and minds can be clouded by love, especially when it comes to our animals. I told him that I would, and I would keep my own feelings out of it (good luck, right?)

I spent all Thursday and Friday with Augie, as Mom and Dad were at the hospital all day, both days. All the rest of the days, I walked him, I let him out and in, I took him to the woods for short walks in the afternoons. He had bad days, and better days; but honestly, he had no good days. Poor Augie doesn't live anymore. He sleeps, he eats. He goes outside, and has a terrible time going back up the stairs. I told my mom what I thought yesterday, and she said that she'd call the vet next week and go in a speak with her; ask her if she thought it was time to say good-bye.

This morning, she had to call the vet to get more painkillers for him...I listened to her speaking to these wonderful people at the vet, and all of a sudden she was saying that she thought it was time, she wanted to bring him in. She broke down on the phone, and my mom doesn't ever do that. She's private, and kept apologizing for crying. All of this made me start crying (you all know I have NO problem with tears in public, and am very demonstrative of such)...Augie's been around for so very long, 13 years.

I told Mom and Dad that I wanted them to do it while I was here; they have always been there for me, and I'd like to be there for them this time. My dad didn't understand at first, and kind of second-guessed doing this, but after a few minutes, realized that it was the right thing to do. I remember that feeling when it got to be the time to take Roxy for that final vet appointment; it was a panic-filled feeling, thinking that there had to be something else we could do instead of this.

My eyes are filling as I'm even thinking about doing this tomorrow. We all know it's the right thing at the right time. But it's just so damned hard.