"Every government interference in the economy consists of giving an unearned benefit, extorted by force, to some men at the expense of others." Ayn Rand

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Commercials and Other Random Things

Valentines Day is Saturday. This is definitely not a post about wanting jewelry (although I wouldn't mind that either)...it's a post about commercials that insult our intelligence.

There's two commercials out there that irk me the most, and it coming up on Valentines Day, I've been hearing them on the radio, and seeing them on television over and over and over. The two are somewhat related, as they are sister companies, linked by their ability to charge incredible amounts for "gifts" that any girl will love! Lord.

The first one is the Vermont Teddy Bear Company. Behold, the "Love Bandit Bear", yours for only $69.95. Oh wait, it comes with a personalized card. And a piece of chocolate. The commercial shows this guy sitting in an office at his desk, listening to a radio. For some reason, even though everyone else is in business attire, he is in jeans and a white tee shirt (better to see his tatto, I guess). Well, one of the girls in the office gets a delivery from the Vermont Teddy Bear Company. All the other women gather around her as she opens the box, and when she takes out the card and the bear, it's like the biggest, loudest, female group orgasm that you've ever heard. These women are losing their minds over this bear, and the women want to know how come they can't find a guy who would send such a fabulous gift???? All the men nod knowingly, and one picks up his cell phone, one gets on the internet and a third dials the office phone, ostensibly all calling to place the orders for bears. The guy in the tee shirt is the one on the internet, and he finds a bear with a tattoo to match his! What freaking luck!!!

The other commercial is for the sister company to Vermont Teddy Bear, the Pajama Gram. Now, we don't have a group of women with their knickers in a bunch over a box containing pajamas, but we do have the announcer telling the men "this will guarantee to get her clothes off". Riiigggghhhhtt. They've even added a scene to make this commercial "funny". A lady throws her bra and it lands on top of a bulldog's head. Only, it's obvious that the bra was on the dogs head, and they removed it, and then showed the film backwards. Oh, ha ha ha. That was so funny that I feel like paying $100.00 for a pair of flannel pajamas that were probably made in a Sri Lankan sweat shop by some 4 year old seamstress.

And the announcer tells all the men listening..."she'll think you spent weeks planning this". Rrrriiiigggghhhhhttttt. Only if she's an idiot.

Oh, this so insults my intelligence...but obviously it must be working, because they've been running these commercials for years, always before holidays. Is this the "Hot Chocolate Set" for men? (You know what I mean...once I got a Hot Chocolate Set from my boss and his wife. Now, she didn't know me very well, but Scott, her husband, did. He knew my situation. I was a single mom struggling to feed, clothe and house her two children. I really could have used a gift certificate for groceries. But I got this big giant box with two mugs with snowmen on them, and two packets of Swiss Miss hot chocolate. I think there might have been a few candy canes in there, and a whole lot of crinkled up paper to take up the rest of the space in the box. It's always kind of represented to me the ultimate in the useless, unthoughtful gift; I've always tried to give a gift that means something, or at least give something someone can use, or something that will make them laugh. There's always thought behind it.)

Anyway, I won't be getting a teddy bear or a pair of pajamas in a hatbox this year. Thank god. I'm married to a man who would never fall for that. Flowers? Great. Love them. New vacuum cleaner or a scooba? Even better. A scooba and a pair of flannel pajamas from Target that has dogs on them? The best. A new longarm quilting machine? I'd jump up and down many many many times.

You want to get a teddy bear for your woman? Go to Hallmark. They have them there. Or goodwill, you can get two for $1 on Thursdays. You want to get pajamas for your squeeze? Go to Walmart. You'll have enough left for a tank of gas and a few beers.

But I'm lucky enough to be married to a man that knows me, and knows what makes me happy. I'm not your typical wife (I got a used tiller for my 44th birthday, and I couldn't have been happier), but he makes the effort. I'm lucky enough to get gifts all the time, not just on Valentines Day. We're not even going to go out on Saturday. We'll go another day when it's not so crowded. We got it like that.

Happy Valentines Day everybody. Hope you don't get a bear.